Parakaleo - Coming Alongside Church Planting Spouses

We will periodically update this page with recommended books, and other resources you may find helpful. These are some our favorites.

Quotes

"You cannot not minister if you are in communion with God and live in community....If you are burning with the love of Jesus, don't worry: everyone will know. They will say, 'I want to get close to this person who is so full of God.'"

by Henri Nouwen

"Busyness is the enemy of spirituality. It is essentially laziness. It is doing the easy thing instead of the hard thing. It is filling our time with our own actions instead of paying attention to God's actions. It is taking charge."

by Eugene H. Peterson

"Ultimate worship takes place when we, like children, find ourselves climbing into the lap of our heavenly Father with the desire just to be with Him. At that moment, there is no agenda other than to sit in His presence, to love Him, to whisper in His ear our gratitude, to feel His face, to hear His heart, to rest in His embrace, to enjoy the moment, and to understand more fully the God Who yearns to enjoy us.

Worship is the affection for God in the hearts of His people - and it is ultimately a window through which we see the face of God, experience the heart of our Lord Jesus Christ and sense the movement of the Holy Spirit in our lives. We seek, we come and we reach to the God Who wants to meet us where we are. At that moment, we see Who God is, realize who we are, and accept who He desires us to become. This is transformation from the old into the new spirit born through faith in Jesus Christ." With our God, moving into His presence, we can lose our own agenda, put it aside, and let Him hold and love us. We feel the everlasting arms all around us (Deuteronomy 33:27) quieting us, and feel Him lifting our cares, refreshing and renewing our minds and spirit. This calls for a heart that values and trusts God above all else, though sometimes we must say, like the father of the seriously ill child said to Jesus in the NT -- "Lord, I believe, help Thou my unbelief."

by George Skramstad

"So often I felt like God had gone on vacation to Bermuda and left me to do all His work. 'Father, I'm tired of just knowing ABOUT You, talking ABOUT You and teaching ABOUT You. I want to know YOU and I want to pay whatever price that will cost. Come and reveal Yourself to me.' What did happen was neither a vision nor a voice from heaven nor a powerful manifestation of God's Spirit, but God began to work in a subtle way in my life. I began taking more time just to be quiet before Him. I started reading less theology and more of the great devotional classics. I began to do less "jabbering" or "blithering" before God and started listening and adoring instead. And slowly I have found the Father answering my prayer that I might know Him. For the first time in my life, I am able now and then to say, 'This morning I was with the Father.' The Bible has become more alive than ever before. Even my theological books have become more than just systems of doctrine: they are descriptions of the One I know and love. It's one thing to know the truth about someone. It's quite another thing to know the person to whom the truth refers."

by Steve Brown (Newsletter)

"The Lord desires intensely that we love Him and seek His company. So much so that from time to time He calls us to draw near to Him. The call comes through words spoken by other good people, or through sermons, or through what is read in books, or through the many things that are heard and by which God calls, or by illnesses or trials, or in enjoying the beauty of creation, or also through a truth that He teaches during the brief moments we spend in prayer."

by Theresa de Avila (1515-1582)

"It is within this inner stillness, within this utter quietness, within this sweet solitude, that the Spirit of the living God speaks most clearly to our spirits. It is there, alone with Him, that He makes Himself real to us. It is there we 'see' Him, most acutely with the inner eyes of our awakened conscience. It is there He communes with us, calmly through the inner awareness of His presence, speaking to us with ever-deepening conviction by His own wondrous word.

For the man or woman who has come to know and love the Lord God in the depths of such intimacy, the times of solitude are the most precious in all of life. They are a rendezvous with the Beloved. They are anticipated with eagerness. They are awaited with expectancy ... For the person who has found in God a truly loving heavenly Father, gentle interludes with Him alone are highlights of life. For the one who has found Christ the dearest friend among all the children of earth, quiet times in His company are the oases of life. For the individual conscious of the comradeship of God's gracious Spirit in the stillness of solitude, these intervals are the elixir of life."

by Phillip Keller

Poems

Paradoxes of a Godly Pastor's Wife

Adapted from Philip C. Brewer
by
J. Allen Thompson
to his daughter at their church plants organizing service

Strong enough to be weak;
Busy enough to take time;
Wise enough to say, "I don't know";
Serious enough to laugh;
Right enough to say, "I'm wrong";
Compassionate enough to discipline;
Mature enough to be childlike;
Important enough to be last;
Courageous enough to fear God;
Great enough to be anonymous;
Assured enough to be rejected;
Stable enough to cry;
Victorious enough to lose;
Leading enough to serve.

Articles

What church planting couples are doing to nourish their marriages
Sample collection from 2005 research: A study of PCA church planter spouse stress and satisfaction levels by Shari Thomas

Marriage quiet times. We try to do this daily or several times a week. We save our marital issues for this time so we don't sabotage each others days and also so we insure we take time to listen and talk with each other.
Weekly planning time with spouse for our marriage, family, and ministry. When we work on our shared vision it's tremendously inspiring to me.
Quarterly retreats- 2-3 days away without kids.
Ministering together. We feast with those inside and outside the community of faith.
We keep exploring our knowledge of the other and take turns planning the outing for the other person.
Exploring our sexuality. Knowing each other's histories and aware that our sexuality is an indicator of how we are doing in other areas of life.
Taking Sonship together
Counseling
Practicing Sabbath keeping- we take another day in the week to observe the Sabbath.
Laughter- we take off and let down with another church planting couple or just with each other. We have fun, laugh a lot, go to movies.
Recreation- especially when we are in intense ministry, it's a must. We bike with our kids, go get drinks together and basically find divergence from the things that make us angry and sad.
Good beer and cigars!
Praying with and for one another. Sometimes, it's just catching the person before they run out the door and praying briefly, other times it's intense warfare praying, asking others to join us, prayer walking etc.
My husband and I spend a lot of time together working and playing. We have regular dates and family times.
My husband spends time with our kids and me talking to us about heart issues in the daily coming and going of life. He is a great source of nourishment for my soul.
The deep intimate relationships we have developed on our leadership team at church provides nourishment for our marriage. We value a biblical functioning community!
We call it porch time. We do our best talking after the kids are in bed sitting outside away from the flurry of activities.
My husband includes me in our denomination's assemblies, presbytery, and conferences. In this way I stay passionate about ministry and we share a common life mission.
We have a profound respect that God has called us together to ministry. If I weren't called also to this, he would quit and vice versa. My husband practices the scripture of laying down his life for me as Christ laid down his life for the church.
We have sex frequently, date often, and work at remaining best friends. We talk about heart issues with foot rubs and talks each evening.
With 4 children and the intensity of ministry, we plan weekly time together. We get up early to pray and we have a weekly lunch date.
We get away for 2 weeks every year to the beach even if it means going into debt! This is a non-negotiable for us being in ministry!
We keep boundaries on how many nights we are out each week.
My husband knows how to say 'no' to people. He screens phone calls and keeps good boundaries.
My husband does not talk about me or the kids to the session, to others at church, or about us from the pulpit.
We limit 'ministry talk' at home or when we are together.
We spend time together in the word and in prayer.
When my husband has evening meetings he comes home early to spend time with me and/or the kids before he is out for the night.

What I wish I had known about Church Planting
From GCA 2007 by Shari Thomas

I wish someone would have told us early on, that we both would need a support system greater than just each other.

...that we would need coaches and mentors, and that we should plan at more than one stage in the journey on getting counseling....and when we didn't have this support system it would be up to us to seek it out!
I would have greatly benefited knowing that we needed to come to a mutual understanding and commitment about what my invovlement in the church plant would be.

...that we would often neeed to review this involvement throughout the stages of church planting and seasons of life...that when the children were young, my husband and children would require and need most of my time. I wish he'd known how much I would need his support in sticking to these commitments rather than both of us rescuing ministries when they floundered.
I longed for someone to gently come alongside me and remind me again and again that what my husband needs from me most is love and respect.

He can find coaches, teachers, nags and critics in countless palces. He already has one mother. And when it's late at night and we are falling into each others arms this is not the time to hear one more idea about the church.

And yet, I am so thankful he learned that I needed a place and a regular time to hear and talk about the church. That when he was tired and talked out he made it a priority to listen and talk with me.
If I would have known that my heart as well as his would be hurt, angry, and almost torn in two by this ministry we might not have planted a church.

...but we also may never have learned the delight and satisfaction of pointing each other to Jesus, to the hope that only the gospel brings, and the deep joy of leading others to this hope.
We would have benefited from being told that the question, "Should we stay in this church?" would be one that will haunt us throughout our ministry lives.

I was not prepared for him rolling over in bed doubting his call. I didn't know we would question if God had brought us here...that when my husband's passion and energy for the church plant was waxing, mine might be waning and vice versa.

It would have been helpful to know this was normal.
I wish I had known that when the money runs out, when key leaders leave, when the sheep bite and my husband stumbles in leading them, that I would often be his priest and confessor. I would be his prophet reminding him that his identity is in Christ and not in his successes or failures. That I would most often be the one to pastor the pastor.

How I would have beneffited from knowing that this invisible role would have far more kingdom impact than most visible roles I took in the church. That being a strong helper was not just one of my roles but my calling.
I am thankful that someone told us we would have to work harder for a marriage where there is spiritual, emotional, and phsyical intimacy than we would have to work at planting the church.

...that this would involve sacrifice on both of our parts, and it would be well worth it.
I am glad he learned early on that church planting gave him great freedom to creatively mold his schedule to fit the needs of both his family and the church.

I am grateful he takes time from church ministry to pour into the lives of our kids: working on school projects, creating feasts in the kitchen, taking vacations, catching the latest block buster, filling their lives with music, but more importantly repenting openly before them.

I love watching their eyes fill with pride when they introduce their friends to their dad.
And we were told countless times, yet we seem to be just discovering it now, that the real work of church planting, of raising kids, and of cultivating intmacy in relationships is in prayer. Prayer is the work.

O that we would believe it.
But I am most grateful that my husband keeps learning that no one can pursue, strongly lead and cherish me the way he can.

...that when I'm withdrawn and discouraged, his gentle wooing shows me there is another who is also wooing me home.

...when I'm masking deep hurt with attacking anger, his strong pursuit has the greatest potential to point me to Jesus.

...when darkness has masked Jesus' face, I have felt another strong hand leading me home.

....and when it's all said and done, and we are at The great marriage feast I will recognize the tastes and sounds and smells. The dance will be vaguely familiar. For hints of the realm unknown have drifted across the border land. And I have caught glimpses of what is yet to come.

My husband has shown me the way.

Help for Discouragement and Depression
From The Seeking Heart by Fenelon

You get discouraged because your mind wanders too much? What do you expect? Theresa of Avila says, "imagination is the fool of the house." It concocts wild scenarios and takes you away from being aware of God in the present moment.

Go forward. Stop listening to all the horror stories your imagination whispers to you. Go forward. You feel sad because you look for God and do not feel His presence as much as you want. You tire of trusting God by faith. You tire of hanging in the air. You want to see progress! You make one mistake and fall into a depression. What pride! What self-obsession!

Love God and stay still before Him. You would rather punish yourself, and stir up a commotion, than forget yourself and look to God. Mourning your weakness will not make you better. It will only contribute to a good case of self-pity. The slightest glance toward God will calm you far more.

As far as a natural depression that comes from physical reasons, simply endure it in peace. Set your eyes on God. Do what He shows you to do. If He has need of you, fine. If He does not, then live before him in peace.

As for being disappointed in others, you must learn not to expect so much from people. It is the only way to avoid disappointment. You must take the fruit that a tree bears--but remember that some trees only put out leaves and caterpillars! God has an infinite amount of patience with you, as He does with all people. He is not even put off by their resistance to Him. Try to imitate His patience and mercy. Only imperfection is bothered by the imperfect. The more mature you grow as a Christian, the more patient you will be toward the faults of others.

When depression weighs you down, there are two things that might help you. First, relieve your sadness with the means that God gives you. Don't overload yourself with difficult things. Guard your strength of mind as well as your strength of body. Don't take more upon yourself than your courage can bear. Set aside time for being with God, for reading, and for good conversation. Take time for harmless entertainment which will relax the mind with the body.

Secondly, bear in peace all the feelings of sadness which still remain with you after you have done all these things to help yourself. Don't fight with them and they will go away in due time.

Be Still And Know That I Am God
by Sherri Wilhelm

After a time of great upheaval in my personal life on many fronts, a few good friends scattered around the world urged me to "be still" and not to keep pushing forward when my soul and body were so depleted. I began to realize that stillness and restoration of body and spirit were truly what I needed. I started to think about what BEING STILL and solitude and spirit quietness meant and then determined to pursue them ~ slowing down the pace of my life to let Him come to me and heal me. Learning to be still so that I could experience His peace in my spirit between the anguish and the answers. Letting my soul catch up with my body.

Psalm 23:1-3a - He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.

Psalm 46:1,10 - God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. The Lord of Hosts is with us. Be still (Cease striving) and know that I am God. I will be exalted in all the earth.

Isaiah 50:15 - In rest and return is your salvation. In quietness and confident trust shall be your strength.

Zephaniah 3:17 - The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty warrior. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing.

Just being still in God's presence goes against all we normally practice in our fast-paced world of cell phones, faxes, FedEx, the internet, email, etc. But that principle is thousands of years old and has stood the test of time.

Richard Foster - The Celebration of Discipline

"In contemporary society, our adversary majors in 3 things: noise, hurry and crowds."
"The world screams at us - faster, louder, more. God calls to us - slower, softer, less."

But it is so hard to make or take the time for this stillness.

Gaining more time is not an answer, but spending time with our loving, gentle Creator and Shepherd and Abba increases our time to explore and understand our needs and HIS agenda, and it brings the peace and solace we need.

We must intentionally seek the quiet places -- Little pools of silence. We can look at our day or night creatively and cease for one brief moment as often as possible to worship God in the depth of our being/soul and enjoy the peace of brief communion -- praise Him, entreat His help, offer Him the service of our heart; give Him thanks for all His loving kindnesses and tender mercies. We give our day to Him and allow Him to order it in His way and at His pace.

In The Garden (Hymn by Charles Austin Miles, 1913)

I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses,
And the voice I hear falling on my ear, the Son of God discloses.
And He walks with me and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.

Elisabeth Elliot (Newsletter)

Do you try to find a little quiet space in the day when you come before the Lord in complete emptiness so that His holy presence can fill your heart and calm your spirit? What peace it is to let fall before Him everything earthly, those things which worry and press so insistently for our attention, and then, quite simply, to offer up our hearts in loving adoration, trying to focus steadily on Him, His beauty and majesty, His merciful tenderness and changeless care for His own. To do this is to find things wonderfully simplified. The "look" of them is surprisingly altered. What weighed heavily on our minds diminishes to featherweight in His presence. Since all great concerns, both ours and those of the people we love, belong to Him who made us, we may turn them explicitly over to Him, not as a careless ridding ourselves of them but committing them to the hands in which we can be sure they are safe. This relinquishment assigns things to their proper places and we are helped to see them then in God's view -- a very different perspective from our own."

Rev. Jack Hayford (PRAY magazine - February 2004) wrote about his experience in this realm. He wrote -

"I've been greatly blessed by the renewing power of solitude. I had been ill for several weeks, to the point of exhaustion. I felt a longing for SOMETHING from God. In the midst of a busy schedule I felt drained in my soul and exhausted in body. I set aside a little time devoted simply to BEING with Jesus. How well I recall sitting on the porch of a small mountain cabin. Just sitting. I talked quietly, informally to the Lord. I wept as I sang with a deep sense of longing, "As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after Thee." In that setting, one of the most memorable encounters of my entire life came when I was shown the sheer love of God. I can only describe it by saying, Jesus visited me.

I don't mean I saw an apparition. Nor was it a trancelike experience. But that day, as I strolled into a grove of trees, quietly expressing my thanks to God for His grace and goodness and patience with me, I was suddenly, powerfully, genuinely and humbly made aware of His presence. He made Himself known to me. Yes, it was emotional. No, it wasn't all in my head. In a way I will never forget, I was refreshed and reminded how infinitely gentle the love of God is and how fully His presence is available if I will give Him time, if I will withdraw from other persons and pressures and just let Him be made known to me. "Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)

All of us need frequent times of solitude when we can return to the center (In the Quaker community, it's called "centering down") to be centered in Christ and rooted in God. It's a place where we read Scriptures slowly and meditatively, are nourished and comforted and guided by this love letter. We are drawn into the grand silence of God where we gain intimate knowledge of the Father and are reassured that we are uniquely and unconditionally loved by the Father. We sit and look at the cross and reflect on the immense love of our Savior for US - for ME. We allow God restore our soul to its original purpose - to be the place where His glory dwells. We see His glory and enjoy HIM. In the quiet we receive a fresh inflow of the Father's love and life, and that inflow can grow and develop us.

To get there requires initiative, imagination and determination. We need both snatched times and sustained times that are more leisurely, turning off other noise and quieting our souls (e.g. while rocking or feeding babies, by walks during lunch breaks at work, while driving, taking walks, etc.) We don't wait for life to de-clutter or its messes to settle down or be cleared away. We draw near to God in the midst of life's mess.

Think of Jesus' example on many occasions where He found - or rather MADE time to pray and commune with His Father [Mark 6, Matthew 14:23, Luke 6:12] (when the crowds were pressing in; before choosing His 12 apostles; after receiving the news of John the Baptist's death on a very difficult day; when He took His disciples away after intense ministry (Come apart before you come apart!); in Gethsemane -- where He poured out His anguished heart to the Father and received from Him the grace, courage and strength to go on to Calvary). He needed this and HE WAS GOD. Even He, the Son of God, with no sin to confess, no shortcoming to deplore, no unbelief to subdue, no lack of love to overcome - even He made time to pray. HOW MUCH MORE do we, broken as we are and disabled by many sins, need to be diligent in the exercise of private prayer.) Throughout Scripture, His life is an example of that BALANCE.

We need time out from our bustling, busy Martha-type existence to choose the better thing and to nurture the Mary within ~ to be still, to worship and experience God in a different way ~ time to listen, to be loved, to be re-energized with a strength beyond ourselves. It's all too easy to become consistently distracted like Martha by concern over the physical aspects/demands of life. We become so anxious that the urgent necessities tend to dominate and steal away any time we might spend in seeking His kingdom. We must learn to celebrate both stillness and busyness -- recognize that God is to be found in both - and simply enjoy Him.

This is not simply another duty or obligation to make you and me feel acceptable to God - or guilty - or to earn us a place in heaven. Rather, it is building an ever more intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father.

I think that most of us would have to admit that we have Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder. We don't focus well when we are trying to spend time with God. Our TO DO lists call out to us.

Why are we resistant to solitude and why don't we make it a priority? There is no entry place for it in our Daytimers. Perhaps we think it's not a productive thing to do. With our busy schedules, it doesn't seem profitable and we can't chart the results. We are products of an action-oriented, performance-based and outcome-based society. Or maybe we are afraid of what God will say to us -- show us ourselves as we really are -- some ugliness, wrong motives, shortcomings, selfishness, ambition, etc. - something we don't want to change. Perhaps we fear confronting the truth that we are not in control. If that is so, we still have much more to learn of grace.

Our prayers are usually vocal, busy, sometimes manipulative, and always achievement-oriented. To kneel in His presence and just allow music to wash over you so that you can "just be" with God in a stillness that convinces you that "He is" and "He is God" is new for most of us, and we view it as nonproductive, thus a waste of our time, or something that is a luxury that doesn't fit into our busy lives/schedules. We are so used to doing and achieving and talking. But when traumatized by need or when God leads us into brokenness, it is an incredible experience. But any time and often, we can simply stop to gaze on God and His Son, adoring and delighting in Him. We can meet with a magnificent God Who reveals to us His breathtaking splendor and tenderness.

Elisabeth Elliot (Newsletter, March/April 1994)

I think it is possible to learn stillness, but only if it is seriously sought. God tells us, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10), and "In quietness and confidence shall be your strength" (Isaiah 30:15). The stillness in which we find God is not superficial, a mere absence of fidgeting or talking. It is a deliberate and quiet attentiveness -- receptive, alert, ready. I think of what Jim Elliot wrote in his journal" "Whatever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." -- Not so difficult, perhaps for a sports fan riveted on the game, but for me, this quietness in the presence of God, this being "all there" for Him, though I treasure it and long for it, is not easy to maintain, even in the beautiful place where I live. I am easily distracted, more so, it seems, as soon as I try to focus on God Himself and nothing else. ... C.S. Lewis puts his finger right on it in The Screwtape Letters when the devil is discussing with his nephew, Wormwood, the best ways to tempt the followers of the enemy, God -- "Music and silence -- how I detest them both." Why not try a Quiet Day or a Quiet Week without the usual noises? It might open vistas of the spiritual life hitherto closed, a depth of communion with the Lord impossible where there is nothing but noise. Does God seem absent? Yes, for most of us He sometimes does. Even at such a time may we not simply be still before Him, trusting that He reads the perplexity we cannot put into words? "

Brother Lawrence - Practice of The Presence Of God - 1600s

Although a humble cook, Brother Lawrence learned the greatest secret of living in the Kingdom of God here on earth: communing with the Lord throughout our daily tasks. He mastered the art of living in the presence of God throughout the day. As he exclaimed, "I am doing now what I will do for all eternity. I am blessing God, praising Him, adoring him, and loving Him with all my heart."

"I keep myself in His presence by simple attentiveness and a loving gaze upon God which I can call the actual presence of God, or to put it more clearly, an habitual silent and secret conversation of the soul with God. As for time formally set aside for prayer, it is only a continuation of this same exercise. Sometimes I think of myself as a block of stone before a sculptor, ready to be sculpted into a statue, presenting myself thus to God, and I beg Him to form His perfect image in my soul and make me entirely like Himself. The God of the universe, the Mighty One who loves us and saves us, wants us to live in loving communion with His presence. Every ordinary moment carries the possibility of awareness and encounter so deep and so close that it is like sitting down to share an intimate meal with Him."

He wrote of how he was able to progress from mere periods of stillness and worship to making that focus on God a part of every part of His days.

"The time of busyness does not differ with me from the time of prayer. In the noise and clatter of my kitchen while several persons are at the same time calling for different things, I possess God in as great tranquillity as if I were on my knees."

"Go through all the activities of your days in joyful awareness of God's presence with whispered prayers of praise and adoration flowing continuously from your hearts...Make a private chapel of your heart where you can retire and commune with Him peacefully, humbly, lovingly."

We can learn about living from a "still center" where God is free to reveal to us His plan for our lives, for that moment. There we get our marching orders and instructions. There we get filled with God's strength ~ through waiting on Him, as Isaiah 40:38-41 says. We will then learn to plan well ahead so we give ourselves the gift of times when our relationship with God can be renewed.

Time alone with God may be a scary thought to some. Solitude is the complete opposite of loneliness. Loneliness can exist in the midst of a crowd -- or a marriage. Sometimes we have no option but solitude -- like David in the years that he tended his sheep - and we are those who benefit from those years when he wrote many of his psalms. But solitude is where God develops us. (Jill Briscoe). In a crowd, He instructs, lifts, encourages, gives fun and relaxation -- but He doesn't develop us there. The greatest transactions take place ALONE on my/your face before God. The most important things we'll ever learn are learned alone with God. There is a God who will hold us and tell us how much He loves us. We fill our lives with good things ~ Bible study, service, etc. and that is good and right, but we miss the best part unless we also make time to be alone with God, the King Who makes our hearts His dwelling place and reigns there, bringing righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).

This is very different from the meditation of New Age or Hinduism or yoga, transcendental meditation, etc. This is a walk into God's presence where we behold the Lord, worshipping and praising and adoring Him, centered and focused on the Scriptures and what is revealed there of God Himself. We are hushed into listening at the center of our being, hearing Him speak to us as His beloved.

It's not a chant or a mantra -- nothing magical or mysterious. It's not vain repetition or a walk into emptiness - staring at one's navel and humming. It's a letting go of all competing distractions until we are truly present where we are, aware of God's presence and truth. We can lift up and surrender our concerns, distractions, etc., releasing them into the caring and capable arms of the Father. It is more an experience of heart than of head and it begins in love for God. It is giving loving attentiveness to God and basking in the warmth of His presence, sensing His nearness and love. Emmanuel, God with us.

Did you ever watch a little child run to her father, hands outstretched, calling, "Pick me up Daddy!" See the delight on her face as she anticipates his embrace. No matter what our earthly father is like (and for some of us it is difficult to imagine our God as a beloved and welcoming Abba, Father), this God of the Bible is always there for us, pleased when we come into His presence, welcoming us with overwhelming love and when life gets rough or we feel weak or tired, or when we just want to thank Him for being there, we can run to Him, our Lord, with arms outstretched, and say with confidence, "Pick me up, Daddy."

In Psalm 103 we read, "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love." The word "gracious" describing God comes from the Hebrew root that means "to incline oneself" - literally, to bow or bend, especially towards an inferior. It's an incredible word picture when God, in the midst of His people's weakness and failings says, "I am the God Who inclines Himself toward you, Who bows down to meet you on your level". "Merciful" comes from the Hebrew root that means "to enclose, provide every need, to hold and touch gently - it is even translated in some places as a woman's womb. So God says to us, "I am the Lord, the God Who looks you in the eye and wants to give you a hug." Isaiah 30:18 says, "Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him."

How Can I Learn To Be Still? A discipline to be cultivated
by Shari Thomas

Find a quiet time and your special place to meet with God. Maybe a candle, a lamp. Have your Bible and a pen and paper there to write down the things that come to your mind about your devotional thoughts or even your "To Do" list in your SADD (Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder). The latter you can put aside to be tended to later, without fear of forgetting important details.
Select a passage of Scripture to meditate on ~ allow your thoughts to slow down and let God do the talking. ("Centering Down)"
Make it a time of readjustment of what you may have thought is important -- we so often say -- or think -- "Don't just stand there, DO SOMETHING -- when what we should be saying is, "Don't just do something, STAND THERE! (Or sit...) I've heard that we should be called HUMAN DOINGS instead of HUMAN BEINGS since that is what we are like... We have forgotten how to think and to be and to listen.
Learn to pray BREATH PRAYERS - Use a name and an attribute of God that fits your need of the moment, then add a simple request of what you are wanting God to do for you. Put them together and pray over and over as you breathe - "Faithful Shepherd, let me rest in You." Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me (or another)." " Holy Father, I adore You."
Allow your spirit to rise in a spirit of confession and repentance, running home to God.
Focus on listening ~ forget yourself and technique. Be teachable.
Ask God to come closer to you, to teach you how to slow your thinking and activity, and adjust the tuning knob so you can hear His voice and rest in His presence. Behold the Lord in an inward, steady gaze of your heart, basking in the warmth of His presence. Worship and adore Him.
Be careful not to try to presume to know what God is like, what the experience will be like, or what He will do. Center all you do on the truths of Scripture.
Never become discouraged. When your mind wanders, slowly and gently bring it back to the Scripture passage and to listening. Some days may be easier than others.
When finished, allow time to "settle in" and get refocused on what comes next (reentry).

Practical Ways To Learn To Be Still:

Take daily time with God, concentrating on His presence, warmed by His love and "Fatherness".
Cut out of your schedule all that is non-essential
Walk or drive to a quiet spot to think, read and pray
Make personal retreats ~ seek out and plan for them as often as possible.
Seek out the quiet ~ no TV/ or radio on. Tune in to music and uplifting programs only.
Set aside academics, usual patterns, formulas for a time.
Read about the subject of Solitude, and especially focus on what the Scriptures say.
Psalm 147:3 - "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Like David, strengthen your heart in the Lord your God, be encouraged by His love, blessed by His presence, refreshed by His fellowship.
Journal your thoughts and prayers.
Use your driving time to and from work or home. Your car can become your "chapel."

Corrie ten Boom said it best: "Don't wrestle; just nestle."

He is waiting -- to strengthen, guide, and cherish us.

Be drawn back into the still place where God's voice is most clearly heard and where life can be viewed from His perspective -- where true worship is born. Soak up the love of God by meditating on the Scriptures and through enjoying personal encounters with our living, glorious Lord.

Hymn, Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus - by Helen Lemmel, 1922
Turn your eyes upon Jesus; look full in His wonderful face;
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Readings

Church Planting/ Mentoring

Langberg, Diane, Counsel for Pastor's Wives. Zondervan. 1988.
A licensed psychologist, Dr. Diane Langberg offers godly counsel and realistic answers to fourteen often-asked questions from pastor's wives.

Garriott, Maria, A Thousand Resurrections, An Urban Spiritual Journey. Riott publishing, LLC: 2006. http://www.athousandresurrections.com
Maria beautifully weaves together the seasons of mothering, womanhood and community service in the complex context of urban ministry. Facing the often painful realities of unrealized dreams for our families and our churches, Maria courageously shares her journey of heartbreaks and grief along with the tremendous joy and hope that lies at the heart of all stories of transformation.

Guenther, Margaret, The Art of Holy Listening. http://www.christianbooks.com
The former director of the Center for Christian Spirituality at General Theological Seminary in NYC outlines the implications of spiritual director as host, teacher, and midwife. She also addresses questions relating to time, setting, and privacy, well as problems for female directors.

Kise, Jane A.G., Stark, David, and Hirsch, Sandra Krebs. LifeKeys: Discover Who You Are. Bethany House Publishers. 2005.
God's design for each of us is as unique as our fingerprints and it's not all about church planting. This engaging guide gives you the tolls you need to discover the one-of-a-kind person your Creator intends you to be.

Scazzero, Peter, The Emotionally Healthy Church. Zondervan. 2003.
This book comes highly recommended for all church planting couples. It gives practical guidelines for staying emotionally connected to people without denying personal boundaries.

Sheveland, Dawn, Personal Training Tools for Ministry Wives. Communications, Baptist General Conference. 2002.
http://www.bgcworld.org/cservice/woman/personal.htm

Thomas, Shari, Stress and Satisfaction Levels of Church Planter Spouses 2005. sthomas@pcanet.org

Thompson, J. Allen, Coaching City Church Planters. Redeemer Church Planting Center. 2005. http://www.redeemer.com

Marriage and Family

Allender, Dan and Longman, Tremper, Intimate Allies. Tyndale House. 1994.
A biblical examination of spousal identity, roles, and intimacy. Lengthy, but great insights.

Dillow, Linda and Pintus, Lorraine, Intimate Issues. Waterbook Press, 1999.
A quick read. Frank, candid, and refreshingly so. Does not dodge sexual issues. Great for a women's small group. An encouraging read! Ask your husband to read it with you!

London, H.B. and Wiseman, Neil B., Married to a Pastor. Regal, 1999.
Practical ideas blended with encouraging stories on partnering in ministry and marriage.

Mason, Mike, Mystery of Marriage. Multnomah Press, 1985.
A profound and beautiful book.

Tripp, Paul David, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens. Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company, 1997.
This book is filled with hope for the hearts of parents regardless of the age of your children.

Wangerin, Walter, As For Me and My House. Thomas Nelson, 1990.
A literary delight with an authentic discussion of what makes for a healthy marriage. The strong section on the work of forgiveness is especially helpful for church planting marriages.

Sexual Addictions

Larkin, Nate The Samson Brotherhood/Sisterhood http://www.natelarkin.com
A Gospel approach to sexual addictions

Stone Gate Resources- pointing people away from sexual brokenness to restored intimacy with God and others. http://www.stonegateresources.org 303-688-5680 Email: stonegateoffice@cs.com

Welch, Ed. A Banquet in the Grave: Finding Hope in the Power of the Gospel. P&R Publishing, 2001.
'Will we worship ourselves and our own desires or will we worship the true God?" The best book available on dealing with addictions.

Soul Care

Allender, Dan B. PhD, The Healing Path. WaterBrook Press. 1999.
An excellent read for making sense of your life!

Allender, Dan B. PhD, To Be Told. WaterBrook Press. 2005.
We all share the unavoidable experience of pain and disappointment in life. Dan writes with skill and understanding, bringing us down the path towards healing. An excellent guide as we journey through past and current heartaches.

Chapman, Steven Curtis and Smith, Scotty., Restoring Broken Things. Integrity Publishers. 2005.
Jesus has come to set you free and give you a chance to join the permanent cast in God's unfolding drama.

Miller, John C., Heart of a Servant Leader. P&R Publishing Company, 2004.
Pastoral letters written by Jack Miller and edited by his daughter, Barbara. These letters provide counsel on ministry issues, overcoming sin, spiritual warfare, and suffering, to name a few.

Miller, Rose Marie. From Fear to Freedom: Living as Sons and Daughters of God. Harold Shaw Publishers. 1994.
A must-read book for all who struggle with feeling out of control, exhausted with ministry, and struggling to love the many people in their lives.

Nouwen, Henri J.M., Making All Things New. Harper San Francisco, 1981.
This short, simple book offers soul care for the weary. Nouwen takes us to the words of Jesus, "Do not worry..." and walks us step by step through Matthew 6:31-33.

Smed, John F. Seven Days of Prayer with Jesus. Grace Vancouver Church. 2006. gracevan@telus.net
John and Caron planted Grace Vancouver with the conviction that prayer is essential to all we do. This guide walks us through the 7 phrases of the Lords prayer. Not only is this a powerful guide for your personal prayer life but an excellent prayer guide for core groups and churches.

And if you thought you were busy, check this out: Under optimum conditions, one female cockroach can produce two million offspring in one year. An average breeding session produces 35,000 offspring.